


Dynamic Duo (Bodyslide by Two)

by Marvelite5Ever



Series: Bodyslide Mishaps [1]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bodyslide Mishaps, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Attempted Comfort, M/M, primarily about Nate and Wade the other characters only appear briefly, takes place in the Cable & Deadpool series, the progression of Nate and Wade's ballistic bromance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvelite5Ever/pseuds/Marvelite5Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Cable really should have foreseen his genetic link with Deadpool becoming a problem."</p>
<p>Various bodyslide mishaps taking place within the Cable & Deadpool canon, at various times between issue #6 and issue #37. Sometimes one of them teleports when the other doesn't expect it and is in the middle of something, sometimes the teleporter just does weird things, and they end up in strange or embarrassing situations. </p>
<p>Prequel to "A Moderately-Sized Country."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Parking

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed that every time one of them bodyslid in their team-up series, the other just so happened to have not been in the middle of something, and I found that unrealistic, seeing as most of the time they're on completely separate parts of the planet and have no idea when the other is going to teleport. And then I started wondering about what the teleportation matrix teleports, and what it doesn't... 
> 
> So I figured, there HAD to have been some bodyslide mishaps that we never got to see. So I figured I'd write some ;) 
> 
> Chapter 1 takes place between issue #6 and issue #7, after Wade and Nate figure out that they bodyslide together but before Wade starts getting the parts to build the device that will lobotomize Nate's brain.
> 
> Wade is injured, and Nate bodyslides into a meeting on Providence.
> 
> Genre(s) for this chapter: Angst, Humor

Cable really should have foreseen his genetic link with Deadpool becoming a problem. 

He had telekenesis, of course, and could just levitate anywhere, but he could only travel so fast that way, and he was a busy man with a tight schedule. 

He'd finished negotiating a peace treaty between warring countries in Europe, and he had a meeting in providence with his heads of staff and security to establish the best protocols for managing a large influx of immigrants. 

“Bodyslide by two,” he said, appearing hardly a moment later in the conference room at Providence. 

Irene Merryweather and Prester John were staring at him—wait, no, looking past him, expressions of horror and repulsion on their faces. 

There was a wet squelching sound from behind him and a small groan, and Cable turned to see Deadpool kneeling on the floor in a puddle of blood, a metal pole with a 'No Parking' sign on it impaled through his chest. 

“It was a construction accident,” Deadpool said immediately, when he looked up to see them staring. 

“Wade...” Cable sighed, rubbing his face with a hand. “I thought I told you not to get blood on the floor.” 

“It is not my fault you bodyslid us here!” Deadpool protested, standing and grabbing the metal pole sticking out of his chest and trying to pull it out. 

Of course, since the 'No Parking' sign was on the side sticking out of his back, when he'd pulled the pole far enough through him that the sign hit his back, it prevented him from pulling the pole out through his chest. 

“Ugh, really?” Deadpool said in annoyance, starting to push it out the back of himself. 

“Here,” Cable said in exasperation, grabbing the metal pole telekenetically and ripping out of Deadpool's body. 

“GYEAAHH!” Deadpool yelped, stumbling forward, catching himself on the table and smearing blood all over the smooth surface. “Warn a guy, will ya?! I didn't have time to brace myself so I wouldn't smear blood all over this table you guys will probably be eating on.” 

Deadpool took a bloodied hand and smeared more blood on the table, in the shape of a smiley face. 

“Wade,” Cable ground out. 

“What?” Deadpool said, glancing up at him. “The table's already bloody! A little more isn't gonna do anythin'!” 

Cable, Irene, and John all looked at him, unamused. 

“You know,” Deadpool mused, glancing down at the table and then around at the gray room. “You should paint this room red. Red's a good color for it.” 

“Wade, go wash up,” Cable said severely. “There's a shower down the hall to your left, second door.” 

“Why do you have a shower so close to your meeting room?” Deadpool asked him curiously. “I mean, that kinda suggests that you get up to some nasty things in here...” 

“Shower,” Cable ordered. His left eye flashed. “Now.” 

“Yes, Mom,” Deadpool said sarcastically, no doubt rolling his eyes beneath the mask as he turned and strolled out of the room, the wound in his chest completely healed up, though he was still covered in so much blood he was tracking sanguine footprints across the floor. “Afterwards would you like me to clean my room, too?” 

“No, but you can mop the halls of your blood,” Cable said flatly. 

As Wade exited the room and started down the hall, he could be heard singing: “Mop the haaalls of all your blooood, fa la la la la la la la la!” 

“Not going to become a problem, you said,” Irene muttered, glancing down at all the blood on the table, the bloodied 'No Parking' pole lying in a puddle of blood on the floor. 

“I don't think the blood will stain the metal,” Cable said calmly. “Cleaning it up shouldn't be a problem. I've already called a janitor.” 

“Not what I meant,” Irene said, crossing her arms and glaring at him, annoyed. 

“We can take this meeting into another room for now,” Cable said, gesturing at the door for them to go ahead of him. “There's another space down the hall.” 

Irene had the distinct urge to yank at her hair.


	2. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #6 and issue #7, after Wade and Nate figure out that they bodyslide together but before Wade starts getting the parts to build the device that will lobotomize Nate's brain.
> 
> Nate is sleeping. Wade accidentally bodyslid because he was talking in his sleep. Nate decides he needs to review Wade's Weapon X file.
> 
> Genre(s) for this chapter: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Assuming Wade gets nightmares about his experiences at Weapon X and the Hospice...

Cable knew that being genetically linked to Wade would cause bodyslide mishaps when he needed to teleport somewhere and kept bringing Wade with him. What he hadn't considered were bodyslide mishaps where Wade used the matrix to teleport somewhere and brought Cable along with him. Which, in hindsight, he really should have foreseen. 

Cable had set up his floating island of Providence, and people seeking peace were flocking to it in incredible numbers. With everything he was doing on Providence and throughout the world in order to save the world, there wasn't much time for him to sleep—and yet, he needed to sleep, in order to keep up his energy, control and sanity. 

That being said, Cable did not appreciate his few hours of sleep getting interrupted—especially not for trivial matters. 

Which was why, when he found himself woken up by getting dropped to the floor of his teleportation matrix after getting bodyslid there, he was not happy. 

“Wade!” Cable barked, sitting up and rubbing at his neck as he turned to look at the other man. “What in the Great Mother's name was that—?!” 

He stopped abruptly. 

Wade was lying there on the floor curled up in a trembling ball, wearing nothing but a pair of happy-face patterned boxer shorts, muttering in his sleep, scarred features twisted in pain. 

“Need to get out...! Can't let them... not again...! No! NO!” 

Cable watched as Wade flailed out, yelling something about 'Ajax' and then screaming like he was getting torn apart from the inside. 

Cable flinched. He figured waking Wade up wouldn't be a good idea, as he would likely be scared and defensive and attack Cable, which he did not want to deal with. So Cable should probably just let him be... 

“Bodyslide by two,” Cable said, and a moment later he and Wade were in the mercenary's apartment. 

Cable used his telekenesis to pick up the trembling Wade and set him back on his bed, before turning and leaving the apartment, pondering whether he should fly back to Providence or try to get a plane.  
He hadn't even gotten out of the apartment building before he felt the familiar feeling of bodysliding and found himself once more in his teleportation matrix, which meant that Wade wasn't thinking about a particular destination when he said the words to bodyslide, no doubt just wanting to get away from wherever he was in his dream. 

“No... no...!” Wade was muttering, curled up with his arms over his head. “That's supposed to work! Why isn't it working?!” 

Cable rubbed at his forehead to try and ease his steadily worsening headache. He couldn't wake Wade up, but he had to do something, or he wouldn't be getting any sleep that night. 

“Bodyslide by two,” Cable sighed. 

This time, they appeared in one of the spare rooms in Providence, not too far from his own room. 

Setting Wade down on the bed, Cable sat down on the edge, putting a hand on the uneven skin of Wade's bald head. 

If he could just take away some of Wade's pain, maybe the mercenary would sleep soundly, and then Cable could sleep soundly... 

Cable's eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated, his jaw clenching. Taking away someone's pain was usually a relatively easy task, but then, Wade wasn't normal. His mind was churning, vacillating, ever-changing, indecipherable mess that was full of so much physical and psychological pain that it was hard for Cable to pinpoint where the pain from the nightmare began and ended. 

Perhaps Cable wouldn't even have been able to ease Wade's suffering before, but with his powers stronger than ever, it only took a few minutes before Wade's shaking stopped and his heart-rate evened out; and on top of that, Cable was pretty sure he'd succeeded in partially blocking off that part of Wade's subconscious, so that he wouldn't be getting more nightmares like that—at least not for a while, hopefully for long enough for Cable to fix his teleportation matrix from bodysliding them both before Wade started having those nightmares again. 

Letting out a breath and wiping a slight sheen of sweat from his forehead, Cable stood up and left the room, closing the door softly behind him. Maybe now he could get some rest—oh, wait, Irene was standing there in the hallway after getting out of bed to get a glass of water, and was now staring at him and wondering what he was doing coming out of a guest bedroom, her mind jumping to all sorts of false conclusions. 

“Cable?” Irene asked as he turned to look at her. 

“Wade was having a nightmare,” Cable explained briskly. “I was easing his pain.” 

Irene furrowed her brow, wondering why he would waste time doing something like that for the psycho. “Why would you—?”

“He was in distress and kept bodysliding in his sleep, dragging me with him,” Cable cut her off, already striding past her. “To put it simply: I needed him to rest peacefully so that I could rest peacefully. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a world I'll have to return to saving in a couple hours...” 

Cable closed his door behind him, walking through the rooms to his bedroom, lying down with a groan, his muscles and head aching. 

He could hear Irene thinking loud and, frankly, not very nice thoughts about Deadpool as she headed back to her own rooms. 

He could hear the minds of every single person in the world—crashing waves of emotions and thoughts that rolled over him, quickly lulling him back to sleep. He'd be dealing with their problems again soon, but for now, just a couple more hours rest... 

His last cohesive thought before he slipped into unconsciousness was a mental note to himself to take another look at Wade's Weapon X file, because he needed to know everything he could about the mercenary he would be stuck with for the next indeterminable amount of time. 

xXx

Cable was already awake and gone on his world-saving schemes by the time Wade woke up. 

“WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING ON PROVIDENCE?!” Wade demanded as he kicked down the door to the kitchenette where Irene was drinking coffee, jumping slightly when he burst in, most of his (frankly ugly) skin exposed. 

“You don't remember?” Irene said, raising an eyebrow at him, wrapping her hands around the warm mug that was sitting before her on the table.

“NO SHIT I DON'T REMEMBER!” Wade said, crossing his arms as he glared at her. “Now tell me who kidnapped me!” 

“Nobody kidnapped you,” Irene said flatly, looking over her half-moon glasses at him. “Cable simply had to bodyslide back here during the night, which meant that you came here as well. He didn't want to wake you since you were asleep, so he set you in the guest room.” 

“That fucking bastard!” Wade growled, face murderous, fists clenched. 

“There should be a pair of clothes left in the room for you,” Irene stated, holding his gaze so she wouldn't stare at his grotesque skin. “And there's a supply vehicle leaving Providence in half an hour that you can catch a ride out on.” 

Wade left, cursing Cable loudly under his breath. 

Irene couldn't really blame him—she felt a lot like cursing Cable that moment herself. Instead, she just took a large swig of coffee.


	3. What Does the Fox Say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #12 and issue #13, during the month between Wade saving Nate with the whole alien baby thing, and Wade murdering Haji Bin Barat, while Nate was recuperating and Wade was hanging around on Providence keeping an eye on him.
> 
> Nate is meditating. Wade bodyslides to talk to him, and Nate ends up trying to show Wade how to do Askani meditation.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Askani have a unique way of meditating; they sit in the lotus position, but levitate upside down, according to the Wikipedia page. However I can't tell if this is because they all of telekenesis, or if they are able to float upside down because of the meditation. I'm going with the second one though in this, sorry if it's wrong. But I did mention this was an AU, right? 
> 
> ...If I didn't, this is AU :P

Nathan was sitting in lotus position upside-down in the air, eyes closed, hands held out in front of him, palms together in Askani mediation. Even with his telekenesis gone, he could still float upside-down while performing the meditation as it was a result of the meditation itself, and it still helped to focus his strength and help keep him centered. 

The room was filled with a trilling sound—a part of the meditation—a form of self-reflection and self-determination mixed into a music-based mantra. 

The feeling of Askani was indescribable; though it could be compared to the thrill of falling in love, or the tranquility of watching your children asleep. 

Deep in his meditation, Nathan was perfectly at peace, with the world and with himself. 

Up until the moment he felt himself bodyslide, and opened his eyes as he collapsed down to the ground, twisting to land on his back and letting out a grunt, a very excited Wade Wilson chattering loudly.  
“Nate! Nate! Nate! Guess what?! I have discovered the place that makes the best chimichangas and enchiladas on this island!” 

Wade was wearing civilian clothes—a vibrant Hawaiian shirt and a pair of tan cargo shorts that showed off his intricately textured skin and his extremely toned muscles, a red baseball cap pulled down over his face as if by habit. But he was also grinning, and it looked to be genuine. 

It was nice to know that Wade would walk around in civilian clothes on Providence without becoming too self-conscious. 

“I'm glad to hear that, Wade,” Nathan said, standing up. “Though is that really such a big deal that you had to bodyslide to tell it to me?” 

“Yes!” Wade said vehemently, following the larger man back inside the building, continuing to talk. “You need to eat at this place! It's amazing!” 

“Maybe later,” Nathan said, sitting back down in lotus position on the floor and closing his eyes again, positioning his hands. “You interrupted me in the middle of my Askani meditation, and I would like to finish. You may show yourself out, if you'd like.” 

“And my other options are...?” Wade asked, causing Nathan to smile slightly. 

Opening his eyes again, Nathan looked up at the scarred man, saying, “Your other option is that you stay, and I show you how the meditation is done.” 

“Are you kidding?!” Wade said indignantly, taking a step back and placing a hand against his chest. “Do you really think me capable of any kind of meditation?!” 

Nathan's lips twitched slightly. “Either you attempt to learn, or you show yourself out,” he said, inclining his head over at the door across the room. “It's your choice.” 

“Wait a minute,” Wade said, pointing at the other man, “You were meditating while floating upside-down!” 

“Yes, I was,” Nathan agreed. 

“But you don't have your telekenesis anymore!” 

“Telekenesis is not needed. The levitation is a product of the Askani meditation, once you become accomplished at it,” Nathan said, causing Wade's eyes to go round. 

“So I could meditate upside-down?” Wade asked with interest, tilting his head. 

“Weren't you just saying you didn't think you could do any form of meditation?” Nathan pointed out, white eyebrows lifting slightly. 

“Yeah, but meditating upside-down is kinda badass!” Wade grinned, plopping down to sit in front of Askani'son, easily folding his legs into the lotus position and copying Nathan's hand position. “So what do I do?” 

“We'll start with the basics,” Nathan said, closing his eyes. “Now close your eyes. Both eyes, Wade.” 

“How did you know?” Wade whined, even as he closed his other eye.

“Good... and don't hold your breath. It's important that you remember to breath.” 

“No asphyxiating to death, got it.” 

“You need to be silent and focused, Wade.” 

“Silent and focused, I got it. Like a fox. Foxes don't make any noise, right?” 

“Wade.” 

“Sorry. I'll be silent and focused now.” 

“Good. Now, it would be better if I could guide you through this telepathically, but that's not really an option. So just relax...” 

“Relaxed, got it. You know, this would be better with massage oil...” 

“Now, use your mind to explore your body.” 

“You do realize that sounds kinda dirty, right?” 

“...” 

“Just sayin'!” 

“Not like that, Wade. Let your mind see the molecules that make up the black... Look into the darkness, break it down...” 

“Lotta cancer molecules in here... constantly getting broken down by my healing factor...”

“That's right, focus on those molecules... move them with your mind... mold them into the shape of the phoenix...” 

“Uh, what the hell? Y'know, I was pretty sure I was getting it, up until the part about shaping my cancer into the shape of a phoenix.” 

“It's figurative, Wade. It's about being aware of your entire body and exploring the depths of your mind, trying to find the spirit of the phoenix within you. Askani is a practical belief system and way of life that focuses the psyche and brings inner peace.” 

“Oh, okay. I so totally go this!” 

Nathan had been so focused on his own body and mind that he hadn't noticed when Wade's voice had changed location. Now, though, he became aware of the fact that Wade was no longer sitting in front of him. 

Opening his eyes, Nathan saw only Wade's red baseball cap on the floor in front of him, and looked up to see that Wade was hanging by his knees from one of the support beams spanning below the ceiling. Wade still had his eyes closed and his hands placed palms together in front of him. 

Knowing Wade, he'd probably managed to get up there keeping his eyes closed the entire time. 

Nathan sighed. “You know, the Askani have a phrase—'What is... is.'”

“That was deep, man,” Wade said, voice solemn. 

Nathan shook his head with another sigh, standing up. “Alright, Wade, you can open your eyes and come down now. I think that's enough.” 

“Aww, but I was just starting to get the hang of it!” Wade complained, grabbing the beam with his hands and unhooking his legs from over it, hanging by his hands for a moment before dropping back down to the floor, landing lightly.

“So,” Nathan said, as Wade grabbed his baseball cap and placed it back on his head, straightening.

“So?” Wade asked questioningly, adjusting the cap low over his eyes. 

“I believe there was a chimichanga and enchilada place you wanted to show me?” Nathan said, lips twitching upwards. “I still have some time before Irene drops by to make sure I'm resting.” 

Wade's face burst into a blinding grin. “Chimichanga is a funny word,” he said, grabbing Nathan's hand and dragging him out the door. “Even more so than 'spatula.' Chimichanga! Chimichanga! chimichanga!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the stuff about Askani meditation I got from Cable (1993-2002). The part where Cable was trying to explain to Wade how what he was saying was figurative, I made up. 
> 
> And okay so this wasn't quite a bodyslide /mishap/, per say, but the rest will be. I just thought this would be cute :3


	4. Don't Mess With the Cook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #19 and issue #20, after Wade and Nate's talk in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and before Nate hired Wade to steal the Dominus Objective.
> 
> Wade is cooking pancakes. Nate bodyslides into the middle of a fight.
> 
> Chapter genre: Humor

Wade was in his kitchen, wearing a white chef's hat and a white apron that read: 'DON'T MESS WITH THE COOK—I KNOW MY WAY AROUND KNIVES' over his Deadpool costume, a skillet held over his stove as he flipped pancakes. There was already a plate by the side of the stove stacked high with them. 

“I've got a feelin'! Ooh ooh!” Deadpool sang, a bowl of pancake batter held in his left arm as he held the cast-iron frying-pan with his right, tossing the pancake inside upwards into the air. “That's tonight there's gonna be a fiiiight! That tonight there's gonna be—!” 

The pancake hadn't yet reached the apex of its trajectory and Deadpool was thinking that he'd accidentally thrown it too hard and it was going to stick to the ceiling along with the several other pancakes already stuck up there, when blue energy swirled around him, and he found himself teleported straight into the middle of a fight. 

“Nate! What's up?!” Deadpool exclaimed, turning to the man next to him, who had already whipped out one of his huge guns and started firing into the crowds of... aliens? And not even any of the recognizable species, though they seemed to have the same idea as most other alien species—attack New York. “Oh. This is out of continuity, isn't it?” Deadpool said as he watched civilians run screaming, the Avengers and Fantastic Four nowhere in sight. “I was wondering why I felt the need to put on my costume in order to make breakfast...” 

“Are you going to help or not?!” Cable demanded, his T-O eye glowing yellow as he fired, kicking down one of the insect-like aliens that got too close, bringing the butt of the gun around to clonk it hard in the head, sending it crumpling to the ground. 

“Now now, no need to get your panties in a bunch, Priscilla,” Deadpool said with a huff. “Have you ever know me to turn down a fight?!” 

One of the carapace-covered aliens launched itself at Cable. 

“Duck!” Deadpool yelled, throwing the bowl of pancake batter at the back of Cable's head. 

It probably said a lot about Cable that he ducked without hesitation. 

The bowl landed over the alien's head, splattering the creature in pancake batter, making it shriek and stagger backwards, allowing Cable to shoot it. 

“Goose!” Deadpool yelled, whirling around to smack another alien in the mandibled face with his sizzling-hot frying pan, hitting the creature hard enough to knock it's head clean off. “Batter batter batter!” 

Cable glanced down at the pancake-batter-covered alien with the bowl over its head he'd just shot, then over at Deadpool swinging his cast-iron frying-pan around, wearing an apron and a chef's hat over his red and black outfit. 

“I'm sorry if I interrupted something,” Cable said, turning to shoot another alien that leapt at him. 

“Meh, I was just making breakfast,” Deadpool said, flipping through the air to avoid an alien's strike and land behind it, banging it in the back of the head with his frying-pan, the hot metal burning the creature's exoskeleton as well as the weight of the object delivering carapace-crushing blow. “Fighting aliens with a hot frying-pan is WAY more fun!” 

xXx

Cable and Deadpool remained fighting the aliens until the Avengers and Fantastic Four finally showed up. 

Deeming the situation in good hands, Cable said, “Bodyslide by two,” teleporting both of them back to Providence. 

“Aww c'mon, the fight wasn't over!” Deadpool complained, pouting behind the mask. 

“We were no longer needed,” Cable said. He glanced at Deadpool. 

The mercenary had lost the chef's hat during the fight, but he still had the frying pan and the apron, both of which were splattered with blood. 

The red splatters on the 'DON'T MESS WITH THE COOK—I KNOW MY WAY AROUND KNIVES' apron added some authenticity to the statement. 

“I think you need to add 'and frying-pans' onto the end of that,” Cable said, looking like he was trying not to appear as amused as he actually was. 

Deadpool glanced down at his apron as well. “Oh, this is perfect!” he grinned, wiping some more alien blood from the frying pan onto the white material. “I was planning on making tomato sauce to stain this thing, but alien blood is much better!” 

“Your pancakes are no doubt cold by now,” Cable said, looking apologetic. 

Deadpool, much to Cable's surprise, brightened even further. “Hey, maybe the dozen or so I accidentally got stuck to the ceiling have come down by now, then!” 

Nathan just shook his head, somewhere between fond and exasperated.


	5. Not That Innocent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #19 and issue #20, after Wade and Nate's talk in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and before Nate hired Wade to steal the Dominus Objective.
> 
> Wade is showering. Nate bodyslides back to Providence after a long day of world-saving.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Friendship

“Oops, I did it again! I played with your heart, got lost in the game! Oh baby baby!” Wade sang as he showered, using a scrub brush as a microphone, naked except for his Deadpool mask. “You think I'm in looove, that I'm sent from aboooove!” 

He was so distracted he didn't notice as his form started fading away to reappear somewhere else. 

“But I'm not! That! Innocent!” Wade sang, before realizing that he was no longer standing in his shower, instead dripping on the smooth metal balcony of Nathan's quarters on Providence, the cool ocean wind brushing across his naked body and making him shiver. 

“You wear your mask in the shower?” Nathan asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Don't like getting my hair wet,” Wade shrugged, using the scrub brush to scratch his back. “And here I thought you'd remark about me being naked or about me singing Britney Spears.” 

“In my future, all soldiers fought, bathed and dressed side by side,” Nathan explained. “I don't have the problems with casual nudity the same way that most in this time period do. And as far as I'm concerned, you can sing whatever you'd like. You have the voice for it.” 

“Soooo, you just gonna stand there and admire the view, or are you gonna let me in?” Wade asked awkwardly, gesturing with the scrub brush. “Cuz I mean, I know it's a fantastic view an' all, but surely you don't want to share it with any other Providencians?” 

“Of course,” Nathan said, opening the door and gesturing for Wade to come inside. 

“I'm sorry for interrupting your shower like that,” Nathan said, walking into the bathroom to grab a towel, coming out and handing it to the naked, dripping wet mercenary. “I could have come back to Providence by other means, but I...” he trailed off, closing his eyes and rubbing a hand over the stubble on his face. 

“Yeah, you look pretty tired, Nate,” Wade said as he dried himself off and then wrapped the towel around his waist. “You've got the dark circles under the eyes thing goin' on, and your posture's slumpin' a bit. Saving the world taking a toll, huh?” 

“Nothing a few hour's rest won't fix,” Nathan said, sitting down with a sigh, flesh hand coming up to rest over his eyes. 

“Um, y'think we could bodyslide back to my apartment without you passing out on me?” Wade said, twirling the scrub brush around. “Cuz I think I left the water on...”


	6. Damn Seagulls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue # 19 and issue #20, after Wade and Nate's talk in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, and before Nate hired Wade to steal the Dominus Objective.
> 
> Nate is showering. Wade bodyslides into a room without any towels. 
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Friendship

Nathan had just finished sparring with Wade, which was quite the work-out, he'd admit—Wade was strong, fast, and unpredictable, a perfect challenge to keep Nathan's fighting skills on a sharpened edge—and he was now taking a shower to wash away the sweat and relax his muscles.

He showered quickly, turning off the water and reaching for the towel he'd set nearby, when he felt himself bodysliding. 

He found himself back in the room he and Wade had been sparring in. Wade, still dressed in his red martial arts clothes with the Deadpool belt, instantly collapsing on the ground. 

“Whoo! That was a close one!” Wade said, wiping a hand across his forehead to brush away a sheen of imaginary sweat.

“Wade,” Nathan said flatly, crossing his arms. “Would you like to explain this to me?” 

Wade looked up at him, smirking as he saw that Nathan was naked and dripping water on the floor. “Haha! PAYBACK for you bodysliding me out of the shower the other day!”  
“I'm hardly self-conscious,” Nathan pointed out. 

“Yeah, well,” Wade said, eying the half-metal man's nude form, “with a body like that you don't really have any need to be. Say,” he continued, eyes brightening with interest, “how come your metal bits never get rusty?” 

“I have to use WD-40 300045 Specialist Rust Remover Soak a couple times a month,” Nathan said dryly. 

“Really?!” Wade asked, eyes wide. 

“I do however have a problem with this situation,” Nathan said (dodging the question, Wade noticed). “Which is that you can't just bodyslide for no reason whenever you feel like it.” 

“There was a good reason!” Wade defended, sitting up on the floor and crossing his legs. “See, I went up to the roof—nice day out and all that—and I decided that it would be fun to do a handstand on the edge, and you know my balance is awesome so that was all cool, except then there was this seagull—I mean, originally I was so happy that Providence doesn't have any of those annoying pigeons like New York City, but what Providence has is worse, because seagulls!” 

“Wade, please don't waste my time,” Nathan said coolly. 

“I'm getting there, sheesh,” Wade said with an eye-roll. “So there was this seagull that must'a been color-blind or somethin' cuz it crashed right into me and knocked me off balance, so then I kinda fell off the roof, which would'a been fine—I mean, I'd survive, of course—but there were civilians down there, and I didn't want to hit anyone or mentally scar anyone by splattering them with guts or whatever, so I 'ported.” 

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared up at Nathan, silently daring him to say that that wasn't a good enough reason to bodyslide. 

Nathan sighed, wiping his dripping hair out of his face. “I appreciate the awareness of civilian safety,” he said, “but perhaps if you didn't do things like perform handstands on the edge of the roof you wouldn't have needed to bodyslide in order to avoid collateral damage in the first place.” 

“Yeah yeah, I'm going to be heading back to New York in a few hours anyway,” Wade said, getting up and stretching his arms over his head, his back and shoulders popping loudly, before he brought his arms back down. 

“I'll be seeing you, then,” Nathan said, turning to leave the room, heading back to the shower area to grab his towel.

As he left, he heard Wade grumble: “Damn seagulls... pigeons never fly into me and knock my off buildings when I'm doing awesome handstands in precarious places...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WD-40 300045 Specialist Rust Remover Soak is a real thing. You can find it on the internets.
> 
> And this chapter takes place before Wade's encounter with the Black Mamba. So now we all know where Wade got the fantasy of putting WD-40 on Nate's metal shoulder. And it's all Nate's fault. XD


	7. Hate To See You Go (but I love to watch you leave)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of issue #23, in the days after Nate had hired Wade to steal the Dominus Objective, but before he hired him to steal the 'Cone of Silence.'
> 
> Wade is in the middle of doing a kickass backflip. Nate bodyslides to a meeting. 
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Angst

Cable sighed. It had taken him and Gareb longer than planned to set up the Infonet Chamber, and now he had a meeting with some important officials all the way on the other side of the island, which he should have been at about thirty seconds go. Getting there by normal means of transportation would take too long. 

“Sorry, Wade,” Cable said, before: “Bodyslide by two.” 

He teleported to just outside the door to the meeting room, and he turned to Wade to apologize for bringing him along, when he got a red and black boot hard to the face. 

Cable staggered back a step, blinking at Deadpool in surprise. 

“Nate!” Deadpool exclaimed as he landed the backwards flip, raising his hands, eyes of his mask wide. “Nate man I'm sorry! I swear I didn't kick you like that on purpose! But you 'ported when I was in the middle of a kickass backflip, and laws of momentum and all that—I swear kicking you like that wasn't purposeful!” 

“It's alright,” Cable said, expression returning to his normal serious demeanor, though his lips twitched slightly. Trust Wade to be doing a backflip at the exact moment Cable decided to bodyslide. “I'm sorry I had to bring you along. I have a meeting,” he nodded at the door, “and I'm already late.” 

“Man, at this rate I'm spending more time traveling from Providence to New York than I'm spending actually at either place!” Deadpool said, hands on the sides of his head in exasperation.   
Nathan looked apologetic. “I'm sorry,” he said, glancing at the door, knowing all the officials were already inside, waiting for him, “but I have to go.” 

“Yeah?” Deadpool said, dropping his hands. “That's funny, cuz I have to get going, too! Have to see if the transportation from Providence to New York can beat the record time of six hours and sixteen minutes! Might even get back in time to catch the Friends rerun... or catch your next big accomplishment on the news, or something...” 

“Wade—” Cable started. 

“But I can bet you I look much better leaving than you do!” Deadpool whooped, proceeding to do back handsprings and side aerials all down the hall. 

Cable shook his head and pushed open the door to enter the meeting. “Sorry I'm a few minutes late, but I ran into some complications...”


	8. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in issue #25 before Nate and Steve's confrontation. 
> 
> Nate is drinking coffee. Wade bodyslides to Providence, where Nate already is.
> 
> Chapter genre: Friendship

Nathan was leaning against the wall drinking a cup of coffee as Irene outlined his itinerary for the day. 

He'd just brought the mug up to his lips when he suddenly found himself bodysliding—only to reappear on the other side of the room, jostled just enough for the coffee to spill down his chin and the front of his white shirt. 

“Nate!” Wade exclaimed, only to come up short as he saw the coffee spilt down Nathan's front and Irene glaring at him. Wade squirmed uncomfortably. “Um...” \

Nathan walked over to the table to grab a napkin, wiping the coffee off his face. “What is it, Wade?” 

Wade was wearing civilian clothes, which meant that whatever the mercenary's problem was, it probably wasn't anything too violent, as far as Wade was concerned. None of his clothes were torn, and there were no blood splatters. 

In fact, other than looking a little bit nervous, Wade appeared to be fine. Though maybe the state of his skin looked slightly worse than usual. 

“Sorry about your shirt, Nate...” Wade said, glancing at the coffee stain, then down to the ground, shoving his hands in the pocket of his red hoodie, the bill of his baseball cap shielding his eyes. 

“It's fine, Wade,” Nate said, peeling the coffee-soaked shirt off. “I have other shirts.” 

“Again with the casual removing of clothes,” Irene said, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Not that she's complaining about the view or anything,” Wade piped up with a smirk, causing Irene to glare at him. 

“Why are you here, Wade?” Nathan asked, walking into the next room to dispose of the stained shirt in the laundry and grab a fresh one, pulling the new shirt over his head as he walked back into the room. 

“Um... I forgot?” Wade tried, looking away and scratching at the back of his head. 

“Wade, I fixed your brain,” Nathan pointed out. “I made sure you wouldn't get holes in your memory anymore.” 

“Okay, maybe I just wanted to slide over here to see if I could embarrass you and make you look human,” Deadpool shrugged. “Which I guess I kind of already did what with causing you to spill coffee all over yourself, cuz spilling coffee on oneself isn't really a messiah thing to do, so I guess my goal is accomplished and I'll just go now.” 

Wade started to leave the room, before turning back, asking with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes: “So, if I feel like walking around Providence for an hour or so and maybe grabbing some chichimichangas, do you need to waste one of your security peoples to stalk me and make sure I don't get into trouble? Cuz if someone's gonna be shadowing me I'd like to know so I don't have to accidentally break their noses or dislocate their shoulders or anything.” 

“No, Wade,” Nathan said. “Nobody will be following you. I trust you not to cause trouble.” 

“Oh, okay,” Wade said, blinking. “Cool! Chimichangas, here I come!” 

After Wade left, saying the word 'chimichanga' over and over again under his breath, Irene looked at Nathan, eyes narrowed. 

Nathan met her gaze. “He should be fine,” he said. 

Irene continued to glare at him. 

“But just in case, I'll keep an eye on him while I'm in the Infonet Chamber,” Nathan offered.


	9. Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in issue #25 before Nate and Steve's confrontation, but after the previous chapter (though not long after). 
> 
> Nate is eating. Wade bodyslides to get away from an especially bad day of people screaming because of his face.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Angst, Hurt/Comfort

The state of Wade's skin fluctuated—there were good days, where he only had a few sores and they weren't too uncomfortable, and there were bad days, when his entire body was raw, painful and itchy and oozing, sometimes even bleeding. 

It was on the bad days that he looked in the mirror and saw nothing but a sick monster. 

Today was one of his bad days. 

He was wearing a minimal amount of clothing, because any material brushing against his skin hurt, and not even watching TV could distract him from the discomfort. 

In nothing but boxers, Wade paced back and forth in his apartment, scratching at himself. He'd already tried taking a bath, which had helped for a little bit, but then the water had gotten cold and he'd gotten out, and the towel hurt his skin when he tried to dry himself off and he'd gotten the towel all bloody, so then he'd just let the red water drip off him as he paced. 

He'd gotten to the point where he'd sat on the edge of the bathtub with a knife, carving off large chunks of his skin to see if, when the skin regenerated, it would be less painful. 

But nope, it seemed he was destined to be extremely ugly and painful and disgusting for a while. 

He'd tried shooting himself in the head just to put himself out of his misery, but the ironic thing was, whenever his skin got really bad like this, he always healed from everything else even faster than normal. An hour and ten bullets later, Wade gave up on that idea. 

Normally, on these days, he made sure not to venture outside, but he was going crazy—well, crazier than usual, anyway—staying around his apartment doing absolutely nothing, so he donned some loose, soft, concealing clothes and headed out, hood pulled down low over his face and hands shoved into his pockets. 

Adults tended not to notice him if he didn't do anything attention-catching. The kids noticed, though, and the way they looked at him made him feel like a monster. A freak. A mutant. 

It would have been cool to be an actual mutant—then he could've actually joined the X-Men, even though he was crazy, and they wouldn't be able to turn him away because he wasn't a mutant. 

But no—he was such a crazy freak that he was an unwanted, hated outcast even among unwanted, hated outcasts. And his skin hurt like hell with each and every movement, every touch of fabric. So everything basically sucked.

Then, as he was walking, there was this kid who started to wander into the street and would have gotten hit by a car had Wade not reached out and grabbed the kid, pulling him back onto the sidewalk, but then the kid screamed upon seeing his hands and face, and the mother came and pulled her kid away, shouting at Wade that he was a monster and a freak and to stay away, and Wade wanted to point out that she should've been watching her kid better because he almost wandered into the street and got hit, but Wade didn't say anything, just turned and started walking briskly away. 

Then there was a large gust of wind that blew his hood off, and people around him screamed or threw up or just looked at him in disgust or fear or horror or contempt, moving away from him so there was a bubble of space around him, some of them wondering aloud if what he had was contagious. 

Wade pulled his hood back on and kept walking. Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he whirled around, snarling. The woman shrank away, saying meekly that he should go see a doctor, and she had a cellphone if he needed an ambulance. 

Wade had growled that there wasn't any doctor that could do anything for him, before turning and striding away. 

A reporter and a kid with a camera asked him eagerly where the accident had been and if they could get the story. It had taken all of Wade's willpower not to grab them by their collars and snarl in their faces, forcing himself to say as calmly as he could that, no, there was no accident and no story, he had terminal cancer, and no, it wasn't contagious, and no, doctors couldn't fix it they'd already tried, and no, it wasn't from radiation, it was genetic, so stop gawking and leave a dying man in peace. 

That had shut them up, and they'd lowered their eyes and scurried away, their evident pity causing Wade to ball his hands into fists and have the urge to hit something really, really hard. 

Something snapped in him, then, and he took off running, pushing roughly past people. This had the unfortunate consequence of making him look like he was a purse snatcher or something, which caused people to yell and point and a few concerned citizens to try and stop him. They couldn't, of course. 

Losing his tails and turning down an alley, Wade punched the brick wall until his knuckles were bloody and broken. 

He heard sirens in the distance. 

“Bodyslide by two,” he said, because he needed to get away, and now. 

xXx

Nathan was eating at a restaurant on Providence, in the middle of lifting a fork of salad to his mouth when he felt himself bodyslide. 

Next thing he knew he was standing in the middle of Wade's apartment, fork still held in front of his mouth. Strangely enough, while the fork had come with him during the bodyslide, the salad on the fork hadn't. 

There was a flurry of movement to his right, and he turned to catch a glimpse of Wade dashing into the bedroom and slamming the door. 

“Wade?” Nathan asked, setting the fork down on the coffee table in front of the couch and walking over to knock on the bedroom door. “Wade, what's going on?” 

“Nothing!” came Wade's voice, rougher than usual. There were the sounds of thumps and curses from within the room. “You can bodyslide back to Providence just as soon as I—” there was a hiss of pain, “get my suit on!” 

Frowning, Nathan tried the doorknob, finding that Wade had apparently been in such a rush he'd forgotten to lock the door. Nathan pushed it open. 

“DON'T!” Wade yelled, pulling his mask on before Nathan could see his face. 

“Why not?” Nathan asked, even as he surveyed the scene. 

Wade had frozen, his mask and the bottom half of his suit on, in the middle of trying to get his right arm into the sleeve. There was a pair of bloody civvies tossed on the ground, and the exposed skin of Wade's chest was covered in bleeding ulcers that revealed the muscle beneath. It looked excruciatingly painful, to say the very least. 

“Wade?” Nathan asked gently, taking a step forward. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes!” Wade snapped, unfreezing and beginning to pull the top half of his suit on again as fast as he could, jaw clenched beneath the mask, the clothing he was pulling on roughly causing the ulcers to be aggravated and bleed even more than they were already. 

“Stop,” Nathan said, walking over and grabbing Wade's arms to still him. “Wade, talk to me.”

Wade pulled away harshly, leaving blood on Nate's hands. 

“It's just been a bad day,” Wade said, pulling his suit on the rest of the way, “and I was stupid and left my apartment, and you don't know what it's like when people scream and vomit because of your face and—it's just been a bad day, Nate.” 

Nate watched him silently for a few moments, before nodding. “Alright.” 

“So, now that I got suit on we can 'port back to Providence so you can finish whatever important thing you were doing,” Deadpool said, walking past Nathan back out into the TV room, stopping as he stared at the coffee table. “Huh. I'm pretty sure I didn't leave a fork there...” 

“That's mine,” Nathan said, walking over and picking up the fork. “I was eating lunch when you bodyslid, and the fork came along with me, though the food didn't.” 

“So,” Deadpool said, stepping closer to examine the clean fork, “you could just use bodysliding to clean all your dishes, huh? Too bad it doesn't clean out bloodstains as well—now that would be awesome!”  
“Bodyslide by two,” Nathan said, and a moment later they were back on Providence. 

“I don't see your abandoned food anywhere,” Deadpool noted, glancing around Nathan's room. 

“I was almost finished, anyway,” Nathan said dismissively, before turning to look at Wade, smiling slightly. “It was actually perfect that you bodyslid when you did, as I was just going to contact you about a mission I need you to do.” 

“Oh?” Deadpool asked interestedly. 

Now that Nathan knew what to look for, he could see the blood soaking into Wade's red suit, though he didn't mention it. 

“When the Avengers were ambushed by the Thunderbolts a few weeks ago, the Commission on Superhuman Activities planted surveillance systems throughout Avengers Tower,” Nathan said. “However, I need you to confirm their presence.” 

“Why haven't the Avengers found the surveillance stuff yet?” Deadpool asked. 

“Because the surveillance systems don't even exist in macroscopic space, and the Avengers don't have the technology to detect them,” Nathan explained. 

“Let me guess,” Deadpool said, tone amused. “You do have the technology, both to find the surveillance systems and to deactivate them, and you need me to confirm their existence so that you can lord it over the Avengers' heads.” 

“Something like that,” Nathan agreed, and Wade could detect the smugness in his tone. 

“Awesome!” Wade grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Getting one up over the Avengers—I am totally down with that! And I get to break into Avengers Tower! I've always wanted to do that!” 

Nathan's lips twitched slightly. “I thought you would be excited about it,” he said. “If you don't mind hanging around Providence for the rest of the day? I can't send you out yet. But if you meet in the Infonet Chamber at 18:00, I'll be able to give you the technology and explain how it's used.” 

“Yeah, that's cool,” Deadpool said, sounding slightly relieved. “I'll see you then. In the meantime... hey, that chimichanga place is still open, right?” 

xXx

Later, after Nathan had provided Wade with the box with the surveillance detector and had explained how it was used, Wade headed off the island to go back to New York. 

He dropped by his apartment to get into a clean suit and inspect the detector more carefully, before heading to to Avengers Tower. 

Opening the box, he took out the detector, turning it over in his hands as he went over the instructions for how it was used in his head, before he glanced back into the box and noticed something else was in there. 

Wade picked up the short, cylindrical, clear container filled with some kind of white cream. Turning it over, he found a note stuck to it. 

_Wade –_ the note read, in Nathan's looping, rushed-looking handwriting: _This is a cream that was developed by the doctors here on Providence. It should help soothe your skin condition when it gets bad, relieving some of the pain and preventing extensive bleeding. I hope it helps – Nate_

“Ermahgerd, he's such a ball of sap!” Wade exclaimed. 

But he applied the salve to his cancer-ravaged skin, anyway. 

And if it actually, really did help? Well. He didn't have to say anything. 

And if Nathan smiled just slightly when he later noticed that Wade seemed more comfortable and his skin wasn't bleeding? Well. Nathan didn't have to say anything, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nathan kinda sucks at being comforting. He does do whatever he can to help, though, so there's that. And he's good at helping.
> 
> But if you need emotional reassurance? He's kinda useless. With, like, anything regarding emotions.


	10. hermanos en fuego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #25 and issue #26, after Nate and Steve's confrontation but before the whole thing with Apocalypse. 
> 
> Wade is on fire. Nate bodyslides onto the SHIELD helicarrier.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and I _finally_ figured out how to do italic and **bold** text on this site! _**Huzzah!**_
> 
> Now if only I could figure out how to make the horizontal scene-change lines...

Captain America had sent in his report to SHIELD about the threat Providence posed to the rest of the world, specifically the world's governments. 

Captain America had written that Providence wasn't a threat, trying to refute SHIELD's suspicions so they wouldn't start nuking Cable, Providence, and the world to try and stop Cable from saving it.  
Of course, SHIELD didn't exactly believe Captain Ameirca's support, which wasn't exactly surprising. 

So Cable thought he'd pay SHIELD a visit. 

“Bodyslide by two.” 

Still, as much as SHIELD and the governments of the world hated him, he hadn't expected quite the amount of horror that he greeted with. 

Well, until he saw they weren't looking at him, and heard Wade yelling. 

“OW OW OW GET IT OFF!” 

Turning, Cable found that Wade was wearing a long coat over his Deadpool outfit, and that he was, to put it simply: on fire. And slapping at himself to try to put the leaping flames out. 

Cable sighed. “Take a deep breath and hold it, Wade. I'm going to remove the oxygen from around you to put out the flames.” 

Deadpool, to his credit, actually did take a breath and hold it, and Cable manipulated his new gravimetric shield to asphyxiate the flames. 

“There,” Cable said, as the flames died and Deadpool took a deep breath as the oxygen around him returned, immediately using that oxygen to talk. 

“Hi, Furry!” he said brightly, waving at the director of SHIELD with a badly burnt hand that was quickly healing. “Have I ever told you that the eyepatch looks very fetching on you?” 

“I believe you have gotten Captain America's report,” Cable said, ignoring Wade to turn his attention to Fury and the other members of the cabal, most of which were present only via video feeds. “I would simply like to remind you that it is not my plan to rule the world. I simply want to show everyone a way to peace. Of course, as you can see,” he spread his arms, showing off the blue field that once again surrounded him, “I once again have an incredible amount of power. This is not power that I am going to turn on the world—however, I will be using it to defend Providence.” 

Behind him, Deadpool held up his right hand in the shape of an L at the leaders of the world. 

Cable glanced back to glare at him, and Deadpool quickly tucked his thumb in and lifted his middle finger instead, so that he was then holding up a peace sign. 

Turning his attention back to the members of the cabal, Cable continued, “I'm telling you this because if you do decide to try and nuke me or Providence, I will be able to contain the blasts and funnel the energy into space. However, if you decide to nuke the world, I will only be able to protect Providence, and it will be the rest of the world that will be destroyed.” 

“Wait, you guys are thinking about nuking the world to try and get rid of Cable?!” Deadpool asked, aghast, as he stared at the leaders of the world with a dropped jaw. “How stupid _are_ you?!” he said, gesticulating. “Because everyone knows that I'm an idiot, but even _I_ know that nuking the world to get rid of an island of granola-eating pacifists is a really, _really_ stupid move!” 

“Thank you, Wade,” Cable said, in a tone that made it clear that that was just a polite way of saying: 'Please shut up now.' 

Cable took a moment to stare each one of the leaders of the world in the eyes. “People continue to come to Providence of their own free will,” he continued. “Which means that they aren't getting what they need from you. So perhaps, if you deem the growing population of Providence as a threat, instead of trying to destroy my island of peace you should try to improve your own countries so that your citizens don't feel the _need_ to leave.” He paused, letting that sink in for a moment. 

“I do not want war,” he stated evenly. “And I think you should deeply consider the ramifications that starting one will have on your countries, your citizens, and your children of the future.” He nodded almost imperceptibly at Fury. 

“Bodyslide by two,” he said, and he and Wade disappeared. 

xXx

As soon as the two of them reappeared on Providence, Wade turned to him, saying, “You know, if you were trying to make SHIELD and them _less_ afraid of you, then I think you failed. You're not supposed to bring me to those kinds of meetings! I never reassure anyone!” He gestured at himself. “I mean, I'm pretty sure some government would have nuked _me_ by now if it wasn't so well known I'd just come back. I'm worse than a cockroach! Uglier than one, too.” 

“And what makes you think I wanted SHIELD to think I _wasn't_ a threat?” Cable asked, a smug glint in his right eye. “They need to know that I am not waging war, but that I am nonetheless a power to be reckoned with. As President Theodor Roosevelt said: Speak softly, and carry a big stick.” 

Wade rolled his eyes, the gesture visible since one of his eyes was exposed through the now half-burnt mask. “Quoting dead presidents now, really?” 

“And please, Wade,” Nathan continued, voice softening as he placed his right hand on the exposed skin of the mercenary's cheek, “do stop with the self-loathing and self-sabotaging humor. I do not appreciate it.” 

Wade froze for a second, before pulling away from Nathan's touch, taking a few steps back and spreading his hands. “Hey, _somebody's_ gonna be cracking jokes about my ugliness and stupidity,” he pointed out, “so it might as well be _me.”_

Nathan's lips twitched downwards in a frown. “Then please, tone it down around _me,_ at least.” 

“Whatever floats your metal boat,” Wade shrugged. He glanced out the window over Providence, snickering slightly. “Or your metal _island,_ or whatever.” 

“So,” Nathan said, raising his eyebrows slightly, “do I want to know why you were on fire?” 

“Baking accident,” Wade said immediately. 

“Really,” Nathan said skeptically, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Okay, _fine,”_ Wade griped, throwing his hands up, “so I _might've_ pissed off the Human Torch a little bit... but hey, how was _I_ supposed to know that the beautiful girl at the bar I was hitting on was his girlfriend?!”


	11. Community Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of issue #27, before Nate had Wade join the resistance force in Rumekistan.
> 
> Wade is driving a garbage truck and the truck comes with him. Nate bodyslides into a fight.
> 
> Chapter genre: Humor

Now, it just so happened that Deadpool was walking down the streets of New York City when he saw Spider-Man taking on the Lizard.

And it just so happened that the Lizard threw Spider-Man into a building that was under construction and partially collapsed on the hero, and the Lizard took off through the city, and Deadpool thought, now that he was trying to be a bit more on the up-and-up, that he should help out. Community service! Priscilla would be so proud!

And it just so happened that there was a garbage truck on the side of the street. So Deadpool jumped into the cab of the truck, tossed the garbage workers out onto the sidewalk, put the truck into gear and stepped on the gas pedal. 

So Deadpool drove the garbage truck right into the Lizard and was just about to ram the villain into a brick wall when he felt himself—and the garbage truck—bodysliding. 

Spider-Man got out of the rubble and slung over just in time to see the garbage truck disappear and the Lizard, carried by the momentum of the truck, smash into the brick wall. 

Spider-Man webbed him up. “Well, that was strange,” he remarked, glancing around, no sign of the garbage truck in sight. “So there are phantom garbage trucks now?” 

xXx

Doctor Doom was invading one of the countries neighboring Latveria, with an army of Doombots. Again. It would take a while for the Fantastic Four (or the Avengers, though the Fantastic Four seemed to have dibs where Doctor Doom was involved) to get there to stop the supervillain, so Cable figured he should go contain the situation until they got there. 

Also, it would give him and Wade something to hit, which Cable could really use right then, and Deadpool always enjoyed.

“Bodyslide by two.” 

And then Cable was in Latveria—sitting on top of a speeding garbage truck. 

“What—?!” Cable exclaimed, as the garbage truck slammed into a line of Doombots, sending metal parts flying. 

“THIS IS SO AWESOME!” Deadpool whooped from inside the truck, whipping the vehicle into a sharp turn to crash into more of the robots, starting to sing, “Driving through Central Europe, in an American garbage truck, crashing into Cable, crashing into Doombots!” 

Cable looked back at Wade through the windshield, and Deadpool waved enthusiastically. “Weapons system, online!” Deadpool cried, pointing at him. 

Well, this could be worse, Cable supposed, crouching on the roof of the truck and firing his gun into the robots. 

“Sorry, the war tank was undergoing maintenance,” Deadpool said in an announcer's voice as he drove the garbage truck wildly, smashing Doombots while Cable blew others apart with his gun that was almost as big as he was. “So we brought the next best thing! Now, drumroll please, as our vehicle heads for the big jump—!” 

Deadpool drove the garbage truck up a long ramp of dirt, gas pedal pressed to the floor. 

“Of course,” Cable muttered. 

“Will they make it, folks?! Will the vehicle be able to land a jump it wasn't designed for?! Will the engine explode in an epic explosion fit for the newest action movie?!” 

Cable crouched on the hood of the truck, muscles coiling, bracing himself. 

“Will our protagonist be able to pay attention to what he's doing with the hot supporting character's fine piece of ass right in front of him?! Will the truck grow wings and fly?! Please call 1-800-AU-FANFICTION to place your bets!—”

Just before the garbage truck launched off the top of small cliff-like projection, Cable leapt off, landing and rolling back up to his feet, the truck careening down into the hoard of Doombots below. 

Cable threw up a gravimetric field to shield himself from the blast. There was such a fantastic explosion that he was sure Wade must've snuck some explosives in there. 

“And he's aliiiiiiiiive!” Deadpool cried from down below as he got up off the ground from where the explosion had tossed him, brandishing his swords. “Any Doombots care to test their durability on my fancy new swords? No money required, just a certain resemblance to a tyrant leader with bad fashion sense!” 

Cable shook his head slightly, gravimetrically descending back into the fight, covering Wade's back, shooting the robots apart with his weapon and ripping them apart with his technological telekenesis.  
“I mean seriously, green capes?!” Deadpool ranted as he whirled, cutting the Doombots into pieces. Who the hell told Doom that was a good idea?! _Loki?!_ You're not supposed to believe anything Loki says! _Everyone_ knows that!” 

Not only did Cable have to fight the Doombots—he had to fight to keep from smiling, as well. 

xXx

When the Fantastic Four arrived to push Doctor Doom and his army back into Latveria, they found an exploded garbage truck at the site of what appeared to have been a battle, destroyed Doombots all around. The vehicle still had its license plate, somehow.

Ben Grimm scratched his rocky head. “What the hell's a garbage truck from New York State doin' here?!”


	12. Nooo, Not the Comfy Chair! Anything but the Comfy Chair!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of issue #27, before Nate had Wade join the resistance force in Rumekistan.
> 
> Nate is sitting in a chair that comes with him. Wade bodyslides back to his apartment - specifically his bathroom.
> 
> Chapter genre: Humor, and it contains a song parody

It was evening and Nathan sat down on a two-person couch in his quarters, groaning slightly as he let himself relax into the cushions, closing his eyes lounging back after a long day. 

He was a little tired and a little sore, and this was literally the first time he'd sat down since he'd gotten up that morning, so he was going to enjoy a few minutes of rest before he had to—

Nathan felt himself bodyslide and sat up, opening his eyes to find himself in what appeared to be a bathroom. 

“Nooo, not the Comfy Chair!” Wade cried, peaking his masked face out from behind the shower curtain to look at Nathan with wide eyes. “Anything but the Comfy Chair!” 

“Wade?” Nathan asked, standing, though there wasn't much room in the bathroom with the two-person couch there now. He didn't even have to take a step to grab the shower curtain and slide it aside, revealing Deadpool standing in the bathtub covered in thick, black, oily sludge that stank heavily of sulfur. 

“What is it with you and not respecting anybody's privacy?” Wade asked, turning on the shower, still dressed in his costume, rubbing at the sludge to try and get it off. “Geez, I hope this stuff is water soluble...” 

“Do I want to know?” Nathan asked dryly. 

“Of course you do, you wanna know everything,” Wade snorted. He reached over and grabbed a bottle of shampoo, opening it and dumping it over his head. “And see, this is why I have shampoo, even though I don't have any hair!” He began scrubbing the suds over his suit, the water streaming black down the drain. 

“Why, does this sort of thing happen often?” Nathan asked, pulling the shower curtain closed so he wouldn't get splashed with the dirty water. 

“Every time I get picked up by a pterodactyl and dropped into a marsh, yeah,” Deadpool said, before yelping. “Ow! Ow! Shampoo in my eyes!” 

Glancing around, Nathan saw that the bathroom door was closed. Trying the knob, he found that the door _pulled_ open, and was thus blocked by the couch, so he couldn't get out of the bathroom that way. And he couldn't exactly bodyslide out at the moment, as he didn't want a dripping wet, sludge-covered Deadpool tracking the gunk through the halls of Providence. 

Sighing, Nathan settled onto the couch to wait, lounging sideways across it so that his head was against the armrest and his feet were resting up on the bathroom sink. 

“Are you seriously just gonna wait there while I shower?” Wade asked dubiously from behind the curtain. 

“The couch is blocking the door and I'm not bodysliding back to Providence with you covered in Savage Land marsh,” Nathan informed him. “So yes, I am going to lie here on the couch in your bathroom and wait for you to finish showering.” 

Deadpool pulled the shower curtain aside enough to peek out at him, snickering at the sight of Nathan's large form stretched out on the small couch in the tiny bathroom. 

Pulling his head back into the shower, Wade said, “Alright, but I'm warnin' ya: you're gonna be subjected to my best Ke$ha impression.” 

“As long as it's your best,” Nathan said wryly, closing his eyes. 

So Wade sniggered and started singing: “Wake up in the morning feeling like D Piddy! Grab my guns I'm out the door I'm gonna hit this city!”

Nate actually managed to relax, the air quickly steaming up, the stench of sulfur being covered up by the smell of some kind of flower-scented shampoo. 

That was, up until Wade finished the song Ke$ha's 'TiK ToK' (or at least his version of it), and started singing his version of 'Hollaback Girl' by Gwen Stefani. 

“And now, HOLLABACK GIRL, WOLVERINE-STYLE: Hollaback Grrr!” Wade declared. 

Nathan snorted, not opening his eyes. 

“Uh huh, this my snikt, all you bubs stomp your feet like this!” Wade sang. “Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr!” 

Nathan couldn't help but chuckle. 

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt.” 

Nathan sat up, coughing to keep from laughing. 

“Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt.

“I heard you talking shit, should've know that I would hear it. People hear you talking like that, why don't you ever shut up?” 

Nathan bit down on his grin. 

“So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack, gonna stab you up, gonna take you out!

“That's right, put your handguns down, why don't you ever shut up!

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt.

“So that's right bub, meet me at the bleachers, no X-Men and no Avengers!” 

Nathan laughed outright (breathily, almost silent), which seemed to spur Wade to sing even louder and more enthusiastically.

“Both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one. So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all, gonna make you pratfall, gonna sock it to you! That's right, I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust.

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

:Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt.

“And then I hear you say: 

“Better watch our for my katanas

“K-A-T-A-N-A-S!” 

If there had been any space to fall off the couch from laughing, Nathan probably would have. 

“Better watch our for my katanas

“K-A-T-A-N-A-S! 

“Again, better watch out for my katanas

“K-A-T-A-N-A-S! 

“better watch out for my katanas

“K-A-T-A-N-A-S!

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Many times I've been on the attack, so you know it's gonna happen like that! 'Cause I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrr! I ain't no hollaback! Grrrrrr! 

“Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt. Oooh, this my snikt, this my snikt.”

“For the official record,” Nathan said, still chuckling lowly (almost silently). “I did _not_ laugh at that.” 

“And you also never got trapped in my bathroom, especially not while I was showering,” Wade added, a grin in his voice. 

“Exactly,” Nathan agreed. 

“So I definitely did _not_ make Nathan Never-Laughs Summers laugh,” Wade continued cheerfully. “And it definitely does not turn out that he has a completely immature sense of humor.”

“We speak of this to no-one,” Nathan said, as soberly as he could manage around the smile that was still tugging at his lips. 

“Hey, Nate,” Wade said, the sound of the water turning off. “Pass me a towel, will ya, mate?” 

Nathan had to lean over the back of the couch to grab a towel from the rock, sitting back down and tossing the towel at Wade, who had opened the shower curtain. 

“Thanks,” Wade said, grabbing the towel and beginning to dry off his soaking wet suit that, yes, he was still wearing. 

“Ready?” Nathan asked. 

“Baby, I was _born_ ready!” Wade declared, dropping the wet towel on the bathtub floor. “I was normal for three seconds, before ninjas killed my mother.” 

Nathan rolled his eyes. “Bodyslide by two.” 

They appeared on Providence a moment later... without the couch. 

Irene was standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring at them. 

“NOOOOOO!” Wade cried, hands on his the sides of his masked face, eyes wide. “How am I going to get into my bathroom?!” 

Irene sent the mercenary a cold glance, before turning to Nate, folding her arms as she demanded, “Nate, where have you been?! You need to—”

She was cut off by Deadpool shouting, “Bodyslide by two!” him and Nate disappearing. 

They reappeared back in Wade's bathroom, standing cramped together between the couch and the bathtub. 

Nathan frowned. “I think the teleportation matrix is acting up. First the garbage truck, and now this...” 

“Geronimo!” Wade yelled, tackling a surprised Nathan onto the two-person couch, pressing the large man down and grabbing onto the couch on either side of him. 

“Wade...?” Nathan asked, shifting uncomfortably beneath the mercenary. “Your knee is—”

“Bodyslide by two!” Wade said. 

xXx

Irene gave a shout of exasperation as Wade and Nathan disappeared, grabbing at her hair. “For goodness' sakes!” she cried. “What are they—?!”

And then they reappeared, tangled up on top of a small couch, Deadpool on top of Nate, pinning him there. 

“—pressing against my crotch,” Nathan grunted. 

Irene stared at them, her mouth dropping open. 

“I suggest you don't ask,” Wade informed her, beginning to extricate himself from Nathan. 

“Dammit, Wade,” Nathan said, squirming as the mercenary climbed off of him, “watch where you put your—” 

“Oh my god,” Irene said, covering her eyes with a hand.

“—bony knees and elbows, would you?” Nathan finished, giving the mercenary a push away from him, Wade falling onto the floor with a thump. 

Nathan stood up off the couch and Wade sat up on the floor, glancing around the Infonet Chamber, where Irene and Gareb were. 

“Wade, you didn't dry yourself off very well,” Nathan remarked, glancing down at the damp spots on his own clothes. 

“Awkward!” Wade declared, as Irene choked. 

“Bodyslide problems?” Gareb asked, from his position strung up to wires in the Black Box suit in the middle of the room. 

“Yes,” Nathan said, at the same time Wade exclaimed, “Like you wouldn't _believe!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Okay, so, I'm pretty sure Nathan is actually incapable of actually full-out laughing.... AU ALERT!!! 
> 
> And I am very proud of my Wolverine Parody of “Hollaback Girl” X3 Very, very proud. And yes, I wrote that parody. I am disappointed that you would ever think otherwise.


	13. Trust Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #29 and issue #30, after Nate gains control of Rumekistan but before the Civil War drama.
> 
> Wade's in the middle of a sword slice. Nate bodyslides to Rumekistan.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Humor, Angst

Now that Cable was running both Providence and Rumekistan, he was traveling back and forth a lot. Most of the time he'd fly back and forth in some manner—using his technological telekenesis, or by plane if he was feeling a bit weary—but sometimes he had to get there faster than that. 

In which case, he would bodyslide, and Wade would get brought along. Nathan knew that was unfair to Wade, but it wasn't like Wade had anything else to do, and Nathan could always find something for him to do in Rumekistan (the selfish part of him just liked seeing Wade). 

But Wade was an active guy, and he wasn't always doing nothing when Cable bodyslid. 

“Bodyslide by two,” Cable said, disappearing from Providence to reappear in government building of Rumekistan, where—

There was a sword swinging right at his chest. 

“Aaaah!” Deadpool yelped, bringing the sword to a halting stop an inch from Cable's flesh side, which said a lot about his strength and reflexes. “What the hell, Nate?!” 

Ultimatum troops in the room all trained their guns on Deadpool. 

“This is so totally not what it looks like!” Deadpool said, taking a step back and raising his arms, still holding the sword. “I was so totally _not_ swinging my katana at the President of Rumekistan on purpose! He just kinda got in the way, I swear!” 

“He's telling the truth,” Cable said, waving for the Ultimatum troops to lower their weapons. They did, and he turned back to the mercenary, saying apologetically, “I'm sorry, that was on me.” 

“You bet it was!” Deadpool grumbled, crossing his arms, sword still held in his hand so that it stuck out dangerously to the side. “You know it wouldn't be so bad if your gravimetric whatsits didn't take an entire three fucking _minutes_ to kick back in after we 'port! Or if I'd 'ported to your left so my blade would've just hit your metal bits and not done any damage! I could've _actually cut you in your squishy bits!”_

“But you didn't,” Cable pointed out. 

“But I could have!” Deadpool protested. 

“I trust your self-control, Wade,” Cable said. 

“But I don't!” Deadpool said, throwing his arms out, the tip of his katana hovering a few inches from a poor Ultimatum soldier's throat. 

Cable raised his white eyebrows. “But I do,” he said calmly. “And you trust me, don't you?” 

“I guess...” Deadpool huffed, returning the katana to the scabbard on his back. 

Cable smirked slightly. “Then trust in my trust in you.” 

“How does that make any sense?!” Deadpool demanded, grabbing his head and staggering away, gesturing wildly at Cable behind him. “One of you Ulti-mate-uhm guys, tell him that he doesn't make sense!” 

“He makes more sense than you,” one of the soldiers in white with the black goggles and funny black hats said. 

“No, he doesn't!” Deadpool protested. “I make perfect sense, just not to anybody else!” 

“Can we speed this up?” Michael Straka said in annoyance, looking at Cable flatly. “You know, whenever you teleport here and bring Deadpool with you, the two of you always make such a scene that you might as well have just taken the long way here.” 

“I have to make sure he doesn't steal all my screentime!” Deadpool shouted across the room at them, crossing his arms indignantly. 

“My apologies, Michael,” Cable said to the Ultimatum Captain, before turning to address Deadpool. “Wade, would you mind helping with the training of the new soldiers again?” 

“Sure thing, I love training armies!” Deadpool said, grabbing one of the Ultimatum soldiers and dragging the guy out the door with him. “You're helping me today, bub! You know what army I've always wanted to train though? A Skrull army! Cuz you know with their shapeshifting and stuff that would be totally...” 

Deadpool's hollow, gravelly, Demi Moore voice faded down the hall. 

Cable turned to the Ultimatum Captain. “Now, let's work on restoring safe, clean power to the country, shall we?”


	14. Manacled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the end of issue #36, after Wade has just kicked Taskmaster's ass while handcuffed, right after he he decides to be a superhero and go after Rhino, after two weeks of living with manacles on his wrists and ankles (yes, he lived two weeks manacled).  
> So yeah, this is after the Civil War and Rumekistan debacles, and the whole thing with Nate using the infonet to make Wade's subconscious haunt him, so now their relationship is really tense.
> 
> Nate bodyslides into a meeting on Providence when Wade is just wearing boxers but has the cuffs on his wrists and ankles, and he couldn't get his costume all the way off.
> 
> Chapter genre: Angst

“Frickin' twist-off cap...” Wade growled, sitting on his couch and trying to twist of the bottle's cap with his wrists still manacled together. But when he was holding the bottle in one hand and trying to twist the cap with the other, only he couldn't twist his wrist... 

The TV was on, tuned to the news channel. Absolutely not because Wade was listening for any news on Cable and his island of peace and puppies and pacifists aka Providence. Absolutely not. Wade was an connected type of guy, he liked keeping up with current events. 

_//—Breaking news from our sister affiliate in Atlanta, Georgia—//_

“Nngggmm—evil, evil cap...” he grumbled, still straining to open the bottle, eyes squinted shut in concentration. He could kick Taskmaster's butt while manacled, no problem! But that stupid twist-off cap had him licked. 

_//—a prison transport train was destroyed as a superhuman prisoner apparently escaped.//_

“It wasn't me!” Wade told the TV. 

_//The unstoppable, rampaging Rhino fled into the Georgia night with no further word of his whearabouts.//_

“Hey, that's my old keychain!” Wade exclaimed, shifting his attention from the unconquerable bottle to the TV screen. 

_//...Recently stretched to the limit, federal and superhuman authorities have been unable to address the escape—leaving locals to wonder, even with a substantial reward posted for Rhino's capture—who will keep them safe?//_

“That's it... that's it!” Deadpool exclaimed, face lighting up. “I can't get a sniff as a merc for hire...” he set down the bottle and grabbed his Deadpool mask from beside, pulling it down over his face, “so I'll be a super hero instead!” 

And then, of course, because Nathan's timing was always so impeccable, the next moment Wade felt the oh-too-familiar sensation of bodysliding. 

“Damn it, Nate!” Wade yelled as he found himself materializing in the Infonet Chamber on Providence, Irene and Gareb the only other ones there. “We're divorced! You're not supposed to do this to me anymore!” 

“I'm sorry, Wade, I—” Nathan started, turning towards him, only to stop, blinking at the mercenary. 

Irene groaned and facepalmed. 

Wade was standing there in his Deadpool mask and dark blue boxers, his wrists manacled with the top of his Deadpool outfit bunched on his lower arms, and his ankles manacled with the bottom of his Deadpool outfit bunched around his lower legs. At least his skin didn't look too bad, though. 

“Wade?” Nathan asked, looking at him with some expression between confused and concerned. “What happened?” 

“I could ask you the same thing!” Wade said, gesturing at Nathan. “You look like shit, man! Though I'm digging the new outfit—the Captain America Shield insignia on your right shoulder there really brings out the seriousness in your eyes.” 

Nathan's usually perfectly clean-shaven face was grown over with a few days worth of stubble. He was a bit paler than usual, a faint dark circle visible beneath his right eye—not under the left because that side of his face was synth-skin. His hair was uncombed, and he had about him an air of weariness. 

Also, the new suit didn't have the tubes that had signified the presence of his gravimetric field, so it looked like he'd given up the technological telekenesis, and the technological telepathy, too, if the yellow glow of his eye, rather than blue, was any indication. 

“I've been working with X-Factor,” Nathan said, voice clipped. 

“Here they go again, making another emotional scene,” Irene sighed to Gareb. 

“If you'd like, I can download the day's news into your brain so you can tune them out,” Gareb offered, sounding sarcastic. 

“Yeah, I think I'll pass,” Irene muttered. 

Nathan and Wade didn't notice that conversation. 

“Well, I've been unable to get hired for any merc jobs, thanks to you,” Wade said bitterly. “I'm starting to look into some other options, though.” 

“What's with the manacles?” Nathan asked, eying the other man. 

“What? These things?” Wade scoffed, holding up his wrists and hopping easily around to Nathan's other side. “I was trying to reestablish my reputation as a kickass merc, so I busted Taskmaster out of confinement and then kicked his ass—while I was _manacled,_ to prove just how _badass_ I am—right where people who do the hiring for my kind could watch. So I kicked Tasky's ass, and he didn't even have to act, but nothing came of it cuz even though I'm awesome I'm apparently 'unprofessional'” he made finger-quotes. 

“That doesn't explain why you're still manacled,” Nathan pointed out. 

“Neither me nor Weasel could remember where the key went,” Wade shrugged. 

“So you've been living with those manacles on for... how long?” Nathan asked, raising his eyebrows. 

“Um,” Wade paused, thinking for a moment. “Like, two weeks, I think?” 

Nathan stared at him. “You've been living with your wrists and ankles manacled for _two weeks?”_

“Yup!” Wade said brightly. “And the only problem I've run into so far is trying to open twist-off caps!” 

“Wade...” Nathan said, voice lowering, something almost sad in his gaze, which Wade pointedly pretended he didn't notice. “You know you can always come to me, right?” With a gesture, he telekenetically popped the manacles off Wade's wrists and ankles. 

Wade stared at his now unrestricted limbs, rolling the joints. “Uh, no, I think that you fucking with my mind like you did kinda made it so I can't ask you for help, y'know?” he said, bending down to pull up his pants, then pulling the Deadpool shirt over his head, so he was completely suited up except for his weapons, pouches, shoes and gloves. “So, you get your normal telepathy and telekenesis back?” Wade asked with raised eyebrows, before shrugging dismissively. “It was going to happen eventually.”

“It's complicated,” Nathan said, looking at him, expression turning slightly... hurt, maybe? “You'd rather live with wrist and ankle restrains for two weeks than ask me for help?”

“I think, given the fact that _I did that,_ I've proved that, yes, I'd rather be manacled for an indefinite period of time than ask you for help,” Wade snapped, crossing his arms and glaring through the mask.  
Nathan stared at him, looking like he might be biting the inside of his lip. “You know how sorry I am that I betrayed your trust, Wade.” 

“Whatever,” Wade shrugged, turning and leaving the room. “Go take a nap, Priscilla—I wasn't kidding when I saw you looked like shit. I mean, not as bad as you look the entire time during you solo series when you're drawn by Ariel Olivetti, because you're really ugly during that—so I mean, the way you're drawn right now is still hot, but you've looked better, is what I'm saying.” 

Nathan stared after him for several moments after he'd slammed the door, blinking rapidly. 

“Tissue?” Irene offered, holding out a box of tissues even as she rolled her eyes behind her glasses. 

Turning, Nathan gently pushed her hand and the box of tissues away, saying quietly, “No, thank you, Irene.” He turned to Gareb, who was strapped into the Black Box suit. “Gareb? I want that video feed of Wade's fight with Taskmaster.” 

“Already downloaded it,” Gareb said, black and white mask with the same calm, knowing expression as always. “Grid A-33-Data Dump 7.” 

“Thank you,” Nathan said. He turned to Irene. “Before I leave, I need you to do something for me.” 

“Of course you do,” Irene said, though she turned her full attention to him nonetheless, ready to help and unable to be too bitter about it. 

She chose to be here, after all. And however much work Nathan piled on her, it was nothing compared to everything that _he_ was doing. 

xXx

Once Nathan had gotten his business in Providence in order, he took a few minutes to retreat into another computer room and watch the footage of Deadpool fighting Taskmaster while his wrists and ankles were manacled. 

Wade's inane banter. His deadly skill. His joking, unprofessional demeanor. The crazy, convoluted way his mind worked, somewhere between insanity, genius, and stupidity. 

Nathan wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. 

He did neither—just watched the footage with his chin resting on his fist, trying to figure out exactly where he went wrong when it came to the Merc with a Mouth. 

He watched the footage again, just for the enjoyment of watching Wade fight. 

But Nathan was a man of the future, and he did not dwell on the past. He did not dwell on mistakes that could not be rectified. 

He had to keep moving forward, and just hope that Wade found a way to pull his life together on his own, hope that he found a way to help himself. 

But if there was one thing that Nathan had no matter what, it was hope. 

And maybe a little blind faith, as well. 

xXx

“Don't tell me Nathan is pining,” Irene said to Gareb later, leaning against her desk and crossing her arms. 

“He only watched the footage of Deadpool twice,” Gareb informed her. “Now he's heading back to his team of X-Men.” 

Irene sighed and lifted her glasses to rub at her eyes. “I still don't understand what he ever saw in Deadpool...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when exactly Nate let himself become a host to the Mummudrai, but let's just say that he was already a host to it by the end of issue #36 of Cable & Deadpool, okay? 
> 
> I meant this one to be a bit more humorous than it turned out to be. But, well, it was at an angsty time.
> 
> But hey, now we know how Wade finally got those cuffs off!


	15. Barbed Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #36 and issue #37, after the previous chapter, but before Wade gets shrunk.
> 
> Wade is injured. Nate bodyslides into a fight.
> 
> Chapter genre(s): Angst, Hurt/Attempted Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what X-Force and the X-Men were doing during this time in continuity, I'm sorry. So I either had to get it super wrong, or keep it vague, so... well, I kept it vague, but it probably ended up being wrong as well. Whatever. AU, right? 
> 
> Oh and we're assuming Wade got into trouble between these two issues too. But I don't think that's too much of a stretch... this is Deadpool we're talking about, after all.

Cable knew Wade didn't like getting dragged around with him when he was bodysliding, especially not after their 'divorce.' Things between them were strained, to say the very least. 

But Cable _didn't have a choice._ His team needed him. 

It didn't really matter if Wade yelled at him. It didn't really matter if Wade hated him. 

They were still genetically linked, and Cable didn't have a choice. 

“Bodyslide by two.” 

He appeared at the scene of the X-Force's battle, turning to the mercenary next to him, only to freeze, eyes wide. 

Deadpool was his knees, gasping wetly and gurgling blood. There was a barbed wire not just wrapped _around_ his body, but wrapped _through_ him, piercing through his chest, arms, legs, his jaw, wiring his mouth shut. The sight made something in Cable's gut twist. 

Cable glanced around at the battle around them. X-Force would be able to handle themselves for a few more minutes. 

Dropping down to his knees beside the mercenary, he began using his telekenesis to remove the barbed wire from Wade's body, removing the wire that was holding his mouth shut first. 

Wade hissed, squirming. 

“Don't move, Wade,” Cable said, concentrating to unwind the sharp wire, trying not to wince each time the barbs tore further at Wade's flesh. “I know this hurts, but it'll hurt more if you move.” 

“You should... go help your team...” Deadpool grunted as soon as he was able to talk. “This shit'll... work it's way out on its own, y'know...” 

“They'll be fine for a few minutes,” Cable said, pulling the barbed wire out of Wade's chest. The mercenary was bleeding heavily, his suit soaked with blood, but as soon as the wire was removed his flesh started closing up. “I can't leave you like this.” 

“You should...” Deadpool muttered, trying to pull away. 

Cable restrained him with his telekenesis, continuing to remove the wire, as swiftly and carefully as possible. “What happened?” he asked, hoping to keep the Merc with a Mouth talking. 

“Would you believe I pissed off Magneto?” Deadpool said, a note of humor in his tone despite the pain he had to be in. 

“Well, you _are_ good at pissing people off, and Magneto gets pissed off pretty easily,” Cable said, telekenetically yanking out the last pieces of barbed fire with a little more force than he meant to. “Sorry.” 

“Hey, you weren't the one who wired me up in the first place,” Deadpool shrugged, standing and brushing himself off, even though it didn't really do anything for all the blood. “And I've had worse, so eh, it wasn't that bad. Go help your team out now, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Cable agreed, turning and charging into the battle, guns blazing. 

“And thanks,” Deadpool added, even though Cable wouldn't hear him. But hey, it was the thought that counted, right? “You didn't have to...” 

He thought about pitching in to help, but Cable and X-Force looked to be doing fine on their own. And knowing him, Wade would only get in the way. 

So he just left.


	16. Vultures (Nothing Lasts Forever)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place between issue #36 and issue #37, after the last chapter, but still before Wade got shrunk cuz as funny as that would be, you know Nate would insist on helping get the Pym Particles to get Wade back to normal size, and, well... trying to keep this relatively canon-plausible.  
> And after Wade gets back to normal size there's the thing with T-Ray and practically directly after that is the Hecatomb thing on Providence where Nate 'dies,' so, y'know.
> 
> Wade is dead. Nate bodyslides cuz he wants to talk to Wade.
> 
> Chapter genre: Angst, Angst, Angst
> 
> Chapter warning: Suicide, Possibly-Suicidal Thoughts

It was a bad idea, Nathan knew. Wade had already made it clear that the bridges between them had been burned. 

But Nathan just wanted to talk to him, just once more, just to see if there was any way they could repair what was between them, before he... before something happened that he might not return from, because he had a gut feeling that something was going to happen soon. And he didn't want to... leave... with things still so bitter between him and Wade. 

Just this once more, then, this one last attempt to repair the trust that he'd broken. And if things couldn't be solved between them, he'd leave Wade alone. He promised himself that. He owed _Wade_ that.

“Bodyslide by two.” 

He appeared in Wade's apartment, glancing around for the mercenary. 

He found the man lying on the floor. 

“Wade?” Nathan asked, kneeling beside him. 

There was a gun in Wade's hand, a bullethole in his head, and he was silent. 

Nathan put two fingers against the pulse point in Wade's neck, feeling nothing. 

“Dammit, Wade...” He pulled his hand away, staring down at the dead man, an uncomfortable sensation in his chest. It tasted metallic in his mouth, something like guilt. 

He was well-acquainted with guilt. 

He knew Wade would come back, of course—hell, he'd blown Wade's brains out a few times himself. 

But there was something fundamentally different between the feeling of killing Wade and the feeling of seeing that Wade had killed himself.

Taking the gun from Wade's limp grip, Nathan set the weapon on the coffee table, before picking up Wade's dead body (not quite cold, he noticed) and walking to the bedroom, setting Wade down on the bed that Nathan was well aware the merc hardly ever used. 

He put his fingers against Wade's neck again, waiting till he felt a faint flutter of a pulse. 

Then he turned and left, closing the bedroom door, and then the apartment door, softly behind him, walking out of the building—not down the stairs, but up them, to the roof, where he levitated away with his returned telekenesis. 

He'd known that visiting Wade had been a bad idea. And yet, he'd done it anyway. 

In the end, though, it didn't really matter. Hadn't mattered. Wouldn't matter. 

He was a difficult person to maintain a friendship with, he knew. And Wade, volatile as he was, wasn't exactly easy to maintain anything with, either, despite his surprising amount of loyalty. 

Nathan supposed it was a miracle their friendship had lasted as long as it had. 

And as he well knew: all things ended. The good. The bad. 

Everything ended except for him and Wade, maybe—maybe that was why he'd thought that what they had might be able to last.

Maybe, if he was lucky, Nathan would actually be able to end _himself_ this time. 

(He doubted it, though. Nothing was ever that easy—not for him.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I already knew that Deadpool was suicidal but unable to die. I still don't know that much about Cable, but I did read a few of the later issues of the 1993-2002 Cable comic run (issue #97-107), and I thought it was interesting that Cable was suicidal and unable to die, as well. Seriously, the guy came back after getting shot through the head. And being in a helicopter he'd purposefully driven into a lightning storm, and got struck with lightning and fell into the ocean. But he lived. And he was totally scared of the amount of power he had with the T-O virus gone... and that seemed to lead into Cable & Deadpool and the whole too-much-power-for-his-body-to-handle thing, and the determination to change the world. Which might've been inspired by Mr. Singapore? Oy vey...
> 
> Also, how the hell is it that these two are at the same time so damn adorable and so incredibly tragic?! Like talk about messed up... 
> 
> So yeah, this ended very angstily (is that a word? that should be a word), but the _actual_ ending is cute and fluffy! :3
> 
> If you want to know what happens in the bodyslide mishap where, in issue #42, when Nathan says “Bodyslide by one,” he actually gets teleported along with Wade, you can see my story _A Moderately Sized Country._ There's a fluffy, happy ending! And things actually turn into Cablepool, first kiss stuff and all that ;)


End file.
